Sally Parker
Special to the Citizen-Times

DEAR SALLIE: When I read your answer about whether to send a gift to a couple who married in secret before receiving an announcement (you said, “You wait.”) I wondered if you also have to wait for an announcement when a baby is born? — S.H., ASHEVILLE

DEAR S.H.: The situation is different. Where the marriage was a private, undisclosed affair, most pregnancies are quite obvious. Gifts are welcome at any time.

Both country people (44.4%) and city-dwellers (45.4%) knew four or more people who had had a baby in the last 12 months. But of these, only 54.6% of city-dwellers (vs 73.1% of country people) had given each of those people a baby gift.

A higher proportion of country people than city-dwellers spent $50 or more on their siblings (80.0% vs 71.3%), and work colleagues (28.0% vs 22.0%) while more city-dwellers than country people spent over $50 on baby gifts for their cousins (40.9% vs 34.2%) and friends (39.4% vs 35.2%).

The survey found that people will spend greater amounts per person in group gifts than in solo gifts for adult siblings, friends and cousins, whereas work colleagues are far more likely to spend less on group gifts.

Seven in ten (72.5%) spent $50 or more on a solo gift for adult siblings but of those who went in on group baby gifts for their adult brothers and sisters, 100% contributed over $50 per gift.

Of the baby gifts of $50 or more for friends, 37.8% bought solo, while 43.7% spent that as their share in group gifts, with similar figures for gifts for cousins (37.3% vs 46.6%). But of the baby gifts bought for work colleagues, 34.7% bought a gift on their own worth $50 or more while only 16.4% spent over $50 each in group gifts.

Country people tend to make a lot of effort with their baby gifts. Considering some of them can be in isolated areas, they are far more likely than city-dwellers to give really thoughtful, personalised gifts.

The survey found that people from the city and country are equally likely to give baby gifts of clothing (city 78.9%, country 82.0%), luxury pampering items for parents (25.6%, 26.2%), or electronic items (11.7%, 13.1%), but country people are far more likely than city-dwellers to give personalised gifts (55.7% vs 40.9%) and baby equipment (34.4% vs 26.9%), while more city than country people give books/CDs/DVDs (24.6% vs 14.8%).

Overall, it seems people tend to give personalised gifts to those they know well and are more likely to give practical items to those they don’t.

Of the gifts selected, adult siblings receive the highest proportion of personalised baby gifts (53.7%). Cousins are the most likely to receive luxury pampering items for the parents (34.9%), friends receive baby equipment (31.3%), while work colleagues are the biggest recipients of all four groups to receive clothing (84.2%), books/CDs/DVDs (30.8%) and electronic items (15.8%).

In the past few decades, baby showers have become more common, as families become smaller and as each child receives more individual attention. Traditionally, a baby shower is held only for the mother-to-be, and only women attend. However, in recent times, men are also starting to participate in a couples baby showers.

In the United States, many people choose to have baby showers for both parents, and some people have a men-only shower. Minority groups in the US, such as African Americans, and Native American groups also have baby showers but might include an emphasis on their cultural heritage, such as employing rituals from tribal-ancestral African and Native American traditions, respectively.[citation needed] In the Jewish tradition, nothing may be bought for the baby before it is born, though some American Jews today do not subscribe to that tradition.